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The Poetry Project

Right now, I have three novels in progress, a (terrible) half-finished novella, and a fast-emptying bank account that will force me behind the counter of Starbucks in approximately one month. Clearly, what I need is another project.

Enter "The Poetry Project," a private endeavor in which I will write a total of thirty limericks, rhymes, and haikus, all on the age-old subject of how much it sucks to be an artist.

I have never really written poetry. I have never liked to read poetry. In fact, I don't even like poets. They're too much like writers. But while writers are, on the whole, desperate and miserable creatures, poets tend to have these alien characteristics of pride and self-esteem. Good poets probably don't, but I wouldn't know.

Therefore, I'm not really interested in becoming a true poet. Humorous poetry doesn't count. I have set the highest bar for quality at the level of Dorothy Parker's witticisms, e.g.:

I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
After four I'm under my host.

I posted my first limerick a few days ago. This morning I finished three and a half limericks and one rhyme. The rest will come slowly, because I've probably exhausted my best ideas already. I will post these "poems" erratically on this blog, and then possibly combine them to sell for the price of a candy bar on Amazon with amateurish cartoon illustrations.

And now, without further ado, I present Limerick #2:

An author of prose dull and sluggish
Tried to sell some historical rubbish.
But still, by and by
He received a reply:
"Stick a vampire in, and we'll publish."


Anonymous (April 29, 2012, 10:51 pm)

remember the nonsense poem narratives you wrote for the PTA reflections themes -- they were deliciously entertaining.

(Will not be shown)

What is the first letter of "Louisiana"?