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Not So Happy Fourth of July

I hope everyone is enjoying their national holidays...at least more than I am. It's just been one of those days that the forces of the universe seem to be conspiring against me.

  1. I confirmed my sneaking suspicion that I had contracted another UTI. Unfortunately, the only effective method of confirmation is to wait until the sensation in my internal organs crosses from "discomfort" to "excruciating pain."
  2. Naturally, my OB-GYN's office is closed for the holiday.
  3. Sweetie and I went to Kroger to secure pills for temporary relief and a two-liter of cranberry juice, which supposedly keeps the bacteria from sticking together and multiplying (WebMD).
  4. As soon as I opened the door to the apartment with my hands full of bags, Luna the Ninja Cat slipped out. My foot stopped her for a split second before she rallied all of the strength in her squishy thirteen-pound body to leap over it. I put the bags down and set out for the chase, but at the sound of Sweetie coming back up the walk with more rustling bags, she darted back in on her own.
  5. As soon as we put the groceries away, I swallowed the pills and drank the cranberry juice. Ten minutes later, I was reminded of the number that this combination of drugs and citric acid does on my stomach lining.
  6. Sweetie brought in the mail. Time to renew my car's plates; adios $58. The monthly bill for health insurance is due in ten days; sayonara $202. Need to make my first student loan payment five days after that; $355, auf wiedersehen.

The fates have clearly designated this a "Marnell Must Suffer" day, like the Star Trek: Deep Space 9 "O'Brien Must Suffer" episodes (see third bullet point). Interesting side note: Miles and Keiko O'Brien look uncannily like my parents.

Miles and Keiko O'Brien

So what am I to do when I'm being bandied about for the entertainment of unseen forces? Go for a cookout and fireworks show? No...we're in the middle of an intense heat wave, with a burn ban on the county. It got up to 104° last week with the humidity of a rain forest, and we've become nocturnal to cope. So instead, I baked a cake.

Victorian Sandwich Cake

A Victorian sandwich cake, to be precise. Why did I feel the sudden urge to bake a cake named for a nineteenth century British monarch on Independence Day? Blame Sally Mitchell—she put all those descriptions of holiday puddings into Daily Life in Victorian England and made me crave sugar. Besides, it's somewhat patriotic; it just needs a dollop of Cool Whip with blueberries sprinkled in and there you go. Let us ignore the fact that red, white, and blue are also the colors of the British flag, as well as some dozen others. I don't know why the combination is supposed to say "American," especially when we put them in patterns that are clearly the flags of other countries.

'American Creme' Oreo

In any case, happy fourth of July. Long live the USA. Or the Netherlands.

Comments

Mark Marnell (July 6, 2012, 6:56 pm)

I wish I had Miles' hair and flat abs. More to the point, however, some of your relatives might be annoyed when you refer to an "uncanny resemblance" between your mother and a Japanese woman.

T.K. Marnell (July 6, 2012, 9:21 pm)

The actress, Rosalind Chao, is actually Chinese—though I couldn't even tell myself until I looked it up just now. I believe 90% of "Japanese" characters in Hollywood, like the owners of sushi bars, descend from immigrants from China or Hong Kong :D

(Will not be shown)


What is the first letter of "Massachusetts"?